im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
