he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
