she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
