maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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