who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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