You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
