broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We got so high we made milksteak
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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