Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
