just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
