Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
