and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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