Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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