well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
