she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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