I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
