I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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