My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
