I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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