I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
