I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
