My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
