Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
