Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
