So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
