Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
