Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
