So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
