is your mom at the bar?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
