I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
