her vagine was all disorganized.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
