Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
