I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
