I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
