So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
