I looked at my own cervix.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I believe in your delicious
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
