Who did Billy Mays play for?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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