Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
