i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
