Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
