i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
