Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
