Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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