oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
