i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
