Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
God I need to hump something, right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
