Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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