I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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