Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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