An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
