I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
