I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
