Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
