She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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