Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
