I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
