You really coming over, don't trick.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
