You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
