Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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